Not to Be
by 4supernaturalgirl
Summary: Its always the little things that make the biggest differences.
1. Andrea

**A/N: **I've wanted to write a Batman fic for a while now, basically since I watched it for the 100th time, but I could never come up with a good story...but after I watched Dark Knight I finally had an inspiration! And it was a dang good one to lol! This story **takes place after Dark Knight**. So Rachel and Harvey are **dead**. (_This has been EDITED_.)

**Disclaimer: **unfortunatly I don't own Dark Knight OR Batman Begins (yes...I so wish I did...) but I do own my OC's so paws off!

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The dark crimson liquid is all over me, it drips from my hair, soaks into my feet, my clothes are stained with it. Its not all mine. Its mixed with others, four other to be precise. Their dead now. They have been for several hours. The only thing that has kept me alive is a once white wash clothe pressed against my wound by my own two hands.

He stabbed all of them but left me alive, he said he wanted to see who I would save. But he knew I couldn't save any of them. I tried, so hard, to save them, but no matter what I did they just kept bleeding. After hours of suffering threw their screams of anguish and desperate pleas of salvation they all, one by one, died.

And then he came back and stabbed me in the stomach. He wanted me to die slowly knowing that I had failed the people I had been confined to these four walls with for what seemed to be years. I had failed my friends.

And now I am sitting in their very blood, it seems to have spread everywhere. I take in deep breaths trying to feel my now numb legs. I can hardly keep my eyes open. I guess this is what it feels like to die. At least I'm to numb too scream in pain as the others had.

I think the numbness is my own doing; but I can hardly think straight now. I clamp my eyes shut as the first real wave of pain courses threw my body. And the first moan escapes my mouth.

"I don't want to die" I murmur weakly my throat tightening painfully, "I don't want to die" I repeat, and I know I sound pitiful. But I don't care. If he's out there listening and laughing I want him to know that I'm scared. I want him to regret what he's doing to me; but I know he wont. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. And I'm not even sure if he cares about his well being anymore either.

The numbness seems to have spread everywhere; my limbs feel like led weights which I can't seem to find the strength to lift. I'm so cold. I fight to keep my eyes open. _Why bother? _Defeated I let out a small laugh, and close my eyes finally allowing my body to go limp. Death is the one thing I can't fight. That's why he picked me, he said: "your a fighter, I like fighters" that's what he told me when he grabbed my shoulder and pushed me into the van that brought me here. I wasn't afraid then. I even screamed and kicked. But now I guess it doesn't matter what I do. I've lost to much of my blood. Screaming and kicking now would only speed up my death.

I close my eyes and feel my body falling over. I am dimly aware that my cheek has hit the cold cement covered with my friends blood. Their life is spread across this floor.

I feel as if I'm swimming though an ocean my ears clogged from the water. A screeching of metal grating against cement echoes emptily threw my head. _Its him_. I manage to open my eyes but all I see is a black blur. Suddenly its surrounding me. Something turns my head and I let my eyes slide shut again.

"Andrea?" a voice asks. I try to open my eyes again, but I'm back in my ocean desperately trying to break the surface. But I'm falling deeper and deeper. A sensation of flying reaches me and the feeling of being set down and the words: "hold on." Are all I hear before I fall into completely emptiness.

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Dun dun dunnn!!…I won't say a word more…


	2. Breaking

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**A/N: **her name is Andrea (ann-dray-ah) so her nickname might be Dray just remember ANNDRAYAH!!!!!…I can't stand it when people pronounce it differently. Hehe...crazy author moment there sorry. :D . So I've finally gotten around to updating this. I'm pretty proud of how depressing it is. I love Dray, and I hope you 'learn' to like her...hehehe...

**Disclaimer: **The OC's are mine...but I do not own anything else. If I did...then I would be writing fanfictions anymore. I'd be living the good life lol XD.

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_Beep…_

_Beep…_

_Beep…_

"It's a miracle that she's still alive," a woman's voice murmurs.

_Beep…_

_Beep…_

_Beep…_

"_Andrea!"_

Gasping, I fly up in a bed panting and clutching my chest. Desperately, my eyes fly around the room. My hands begin to tremble. I do not know where I am, blue curtains are pulled around this bed giving me privacy. I can hear the loud beeping of a heart monitor going crazy from the rapid thumping of my heart against my chest.

Relief pumps through my veins, as I realize that I am in a hospital and not in that prison. Then, sobs rake my body. The curtains are torn away to reveal a large, yet private, hospital room. The nurse standing in front of me gives me a quick glance and a small smile.

"Andrea Carlson?" Her words sound like a question but I am not sure. I nod my head anyways. "Alrighty then! I'm sure glad to see you actually awake, my name is Jennifer I'm your nurse-"

"I don't mean to sound rude," I interrupt her looking down at my hands, "am I the only one who survived?" She makes a halve gasp halve swallowing sound. Her feet shuffle across the floor as she comes to stand next to my bed and neatly press the curtain back. Finally, she finishes and tenderly touches my shoulder.

"I'm sorry sweetie but-"

"Please just leave," I hide my face in the white pillow and curl into a ball, a sick feeling beginning to well up inside of me. I hear her begin to leave and the door click as it was pulled shut. I lay in the bed staring at the bathroom door. I cannot seem to fall back asleep. I shift to the other side of my bed so I'm looking out the window. It has only been six mouths since Gotham General was blown up by that maniac.

Giving up on trying to sleep I slide out of bed, and gather the white blanket around my gowned body. I shiver as my bare feet brush the cool wood floor. _I probably have an IV_, I glance down at my arm then frown as I find that I have none. I amble over to the windows and plop down in a curved, floral chair.

_Cheating death must be something I'm good at_, I think rather bitterly. It is not that I really want to die, more that I don't want to live with the images of Trevor, Margaret, Tiffany, and Henry dying over and over again in my head.

_Trevor's hand was clutching my arm, as I tried to stop the bleeding across his torso. His hazel eyes stared up into mine. "Dray," he murmured hoarsely, I looked down at his face ignoring the warm blood soaking through my blue t-shirt, "I need you to promise something for me." _

"_Anything Trevor" I replied smiling softly down at him._

"_First you got to survive this, do you hear?" I nodded my head, my throat tightening up. "Second you have to tell my parents that I love them and Peter that I forgave him forever ago. And Molly Sue…tell her that I would have married her." He clutched my arm tightly as he coughed up blood. _

"_I promise," I murmured weakly as his grip on my arm loosened and his eyes began to dim._

"_Thank you Dray," he whispered for the last time sighing almost happily._

Something flies across my window, I start so badly that I fall from the chair and right to the floor. I clutch my chest tightly, as I look out each window. Nothing happens. I stand on wobbly legs, and take careful steps to my window. I look out both sides and then down. I can see what looks like a giant bat walking slowly to a window. I can't see what he's doing, he disappears from my vision as he seems to walk threw the wall. My mouth falls open and I jump away from the glass again.

I clamp my eyes shut and give my head a swift shake. I can't get the image of a giant bat saving me out of my head. So I gather my blankets tighter around my body and walk towards the wood door with its square window. When I reach it I put my hand on the cold, silver handle. I peer out the window and see another door across from mine. I open the door and look down the hallway then quickly slip out, and rush down the hall.

Almost by magic I find myself standing in the mist of about ten elevators. I press the down button. Now scared that a doctor would come walking out of the elevator. To my surprise an elevator dings open with no one on it. Glancing around one last time I walk into the box. Pressing the button for the basement, I prepare myself for the seeping cool that I would feel the second I walked off the elevator. I lean exhaustedly against the side of the elevator, propping my head against the fabric lined wall.

The ding from reaching its destination, jerks me back to awareness. I slowly make my way out of the elevator. The shock that I receive when I step onto the bitter tile floor almost makes me jump back into the elevator. But I must talk to the giant bat that saved me. I have to know why. I don't know how I make my way to the morgue, but the next thing I know I'm standing in front of two swinging doors. I reach for the metal handle. Preparing myself to find no one inside. Silently I pull it towards me and slip into the morgue.

At first I see nothing. Then a shadow seems to move. I cover my mouth to keep myself from letting out a shocked shriek. Realization slips across my mine when I see that its not a bat but a person. _Batman_, I think rather lamely. _Of course is batman!_

He's leaning over a bluish body on a metal slab. He looks up and straight into my gray-blue eyes.

"Andrea," he greets me simply. Walking forward tentatively I slink towards the blue tinted boy. Its not until I'm almost there that I release that it is Trevor. My breath hitches as I take the last few steps to stand on the opposite side of Trevor.

I stare at the boys face unable to breath for several minutes. Finally I look up at batman, to find him watching me carefully.

"Why are you here?" I ask my voice cracking from the effort not to cry.

"I needed to see them," he answers, I nod my head and look around the morgue for two other familiar bodies.

"He's the only one here," he tells me, "The two others have already had their bodies claimed by their families. The morgue can't seem to get a hold of his family." Tears brim in my eyes. My throat begins to burn, and an intense aching feeling erupts in my chest. My knees give out and I fall to the floor and begin to sob. I let out miserable moans and babbles of words as tears make steaks down my cheek and drip off my chin. When I manage to look up threw tear filled eyes I find him gone. Trembling I slowly stand up, holding onto the metal slab to keep myself upright.

I push Trevor back into his cold prison and close the door, so that I cannot see his face anymore. I wrap my arms around my chest to keep myself from falling apart as more sobs rock my body. I cry until I cannot seem to cry anymore, but the aching is not gone. Such an emptiness fills my heart. If I had known it would hurt this much to be alive, I would not have wished to be breathing.

Soft footsteps bring me out of my hazy world of tears and pain. I look up into amazingly gentle brown eyes. He sits down next to me and pulls me into his arms. _I must be dead now_, I muse to myself. But I know I'm not from my trembling body. My pained sobbing sounds make their way into his green scrub covered shoulder.

"Shh," he whispers soothingly as he pets my head. My breathing gradually decreases. I clamp my eyes shut but the tears still manage to escape. He pulls me onto his lap and gently rocks me. Drowsiness begins to pull me into a secluded blackness. I want to stay awake. Yet I want everything to go away, to vanish forever. Taking in one last shuddering breath I tightly clutch onto the mans scrubs then let myself fall into nothingness. At least there I can't feel any pain.

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I'm going to be working on this one more…I don't know why…I guess because I have an urge to work with Batman. I adore him…but most people do :D. Please review! I love reviews...they are my friends...


	3. A safe place

**A/N: **Okay then. Here is my third chapter in this story, obviously. So I hope you enjoy reading it, and once your done leave me a review.

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING FAMILIAR TO YOU! HONEST TO GOODNESS...I don't.**

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I open my eyes and find myself back in a hospital bed. Looking at the curtains that carefully conceal me from the harsh world, I wonder if anyone has come to visit me. Despair makes my chest tight. This sweeping pain seems to be my constant companion. My parents died only a month ago. I have no one to go to. No one to hold me when I cry, and there is certainly no one to visit me in this forsaken hospital. I am utterly alone.

Abandoned by this cruel world, I roll onto my side and curl into a ball, pulling my blankets closer around me. I force diminutive comfort from them, I can at least hide myself in a cocoon of warmth for a while. I close my eyes, telling myself that I will not cry. I am not weak, I am better then this. Giving up, I open my eyes and stare at my room through a crease.

"I hate this," I murmur hoarsely to myself, "if I'm going to be trapped at a hospital at least drug me up with something so I won't feel like _this_." I go to fling my legs over the side of my bed but freeze when I hear movement. My door is pressed open and two sets of shoes approach my bed. Quickly I arrange myself in a fake sleep. Curse the heart monitor that will surely give away the fact that I am not sleeping, I forcefully sill my body.

"She's not been sleeping well has she?" A clearly male voice inquires.

"Andrea sleeps fitfully even _with_ the drugs we've been giving her," another muscular voice replies, there is almost a disappointed undertone in his voice. _So they have been drugging me_, I think, a sad smirk displays itself on my face for a moment. Peeking through my lashes, I can see that the heart monitor is hidden, with me, behind the curtain. A flicker of a smile graces my feature once more before I force myself to calm down.

With a clicking and a sliding sound, I can hear them walking out of my room. _Strange_, I think but make nothing of it. After all, what is there to make of it.

Time elapses, and I feel myself begin to drift into unconsciousness. Abruptly, a nurse bustles into my room and throws my curtain open. Bright sunlight bursts into my once dark shell. Cringing, I shield my eyes from the unwanted light.

"Sorry deary," the cheery nurse says patting my arm with her hand. Giving her an assessing glance, I shrug as my acceptance to her apology.

She puts a tray of food on a desk like contraption, then moves it so that its over my lap. Adjusting my bed so that I am sitting up, I truly want to glower at her for disrupting my peaceful shell. With absolutely no warning, she removes my IV. Gasping, I nearly curse at her. Before I have a chance to she's jabbing me in the arm with something. As I'm opening my mouth to tell her to get the hell out of my room she says, "Your going to be going home today sweetie, you excited?"

My jaw clenches for a moment before her words really hit home.

"What? with _who_?" I ask rather shocked. Of course the answer is obvious. Foster parents, who else?

"I'm not sure," she replies simply, "only the doctor knows and he's not allowed to tell anyone." I frown then pick up the plastic fork, opting to ignore the sketchy nurse. Choosing not to eat the mold colored jell-o, I forcibly eat the rest of the mushy, yet quite good, hospital food. The thought hits me that I haven't eaten in days, and I am woofing down the food hardly giving myself time to breath. After I finish I look up to see the nurse watching me intently from a chair. My eyes narrow and I tilt my head to give her a befuddled look. _They must have doubled on the happy pills while I was sleeping_, I think suddenly unsure how I should feel, or if I should feel. My hand finds its way to where my IV had been moments ago, it begins to rub at the spot where the tub had been.

"Will you leave me alone now?" I ask, my voice hoarse.

"Sure thing," my cheery nurse replies as she stands up. I can hear her as she leaves the room, but I don't watch. Knowing that if I watch I will cry, I keep my eyes tightly closed. I can't really feel much now. Drifting open, my eyes focus on nothing, my thoughts dip from one thing to another. For a moment I am hoping that the foster parents transport me while I'm sleeping. In another instant, I know that I am not alone. Someone is brushing their fingers across my palm…

I can hear someone whispering in a dark tone meant for only that intended person to hear, that they did a good job. That I would be gone soon. That they would be paid, that they shouldn't worry, I wouldn't be hurt.

"Its for her own good," the person says.

_Beep…_

_Beep…_

_Beep…_

Abruptly I sit up. Make a decision. The kind that you make in a heartbeat, and know that you will regret later. Throwing my legs over the edge of the bed, I push myself off and begin ripping everything that seems like it belongs to this hospital off my body. Before I know it, I'm standing in a pair of underwear and a bra that I'm not quite sure belongs to anyone. My entire body begins to tremble, I feel myself want to fall to the floor. Rushing forward, I am throwing myself out of my room and into a hallway. I am running down it. Turning a corner, I'm in a locker room. My brain can't seem to keep up with the flurry of actions happening around me.

I'm dressed.

I'm on an elevator.

_Bing. _

Moving on their own accord, I follow where my feet want to take me. When I look up, I know that I am lost. But I'm free. Yet I'm not sure if that's what I wanted to begin with.

_You're free_, my mind whispers.

_You're lost_, I answer. At this point, I know that whatever drug the hospital gave me has made me crazy. Falling to my knees, I take a moment to look around at my surroundings. _Perfect place to stop_, I think. A dimly lit side street sidewalk. Leaning my back against the brick building behind me, I look down at my body. Purple and bright pink scrubs adorn my skinny frame, not that I had expected much of anything, I had hoped I would be matching. "Oh well," I sigh, shocking myself with how hoarse and odd my voice sounds. Bringing my knees to my chest, I rest my chin on my bony extremity. For a moment I consider falling asleep, but only for a moment. I know that if I fall asleep I will be haunted with dreams of their all to familiar faces. So I can't sleep, I will sit here on this sidewalk until someone notices me.

I sit for what feels like hours, a drug induced numbness wiping away any incentive to move. When I do feel the drugs begin to were off, the abrupt terror that racks my system at being lost in this hell hole forces me to my feet. Now standing, I feel like falling back onto my bottom and curling into a ball and sobbing like a child. _You're a damn ball of confused emotions, think Andrea, which way did you come from_, but I can't remember. When I hear people behind me, I jump a little and begin walking swiftly down the sidewalk in front of me.

People come out of a bared shop before me, a brand new deep set fear of people abruptly blossoms so strongly in my stomach that I veer into a dark and dreary ally. Throwing myself behind a trashcan I crouch on the ground, peering around the edge to watch nervously as the people pass. My heart is pounding a erotic drum line within my chest. _Thump, thump, thump, thump_, its pounding so loud now that I fear the people on the street will hear it. One of them turn to look at me, but their face is wrong. Its not a face at all, its something terrifying. Something not human.

A scream catches in my throat and I fall backward, my feet kicking against the trashcan; vaulting that forward and crashing to the ground, and also forcing my skinny body to slide backward across the pavement. For a moment of clarity I can see that my monster has something that resembles a scarecrows mask over his face. However, the moment is gone just as quickly as it came and the scarecrow is back to a shadowy creature that used to haunt me in my dreams.

"Its not real," I chant to myself, "its not real." But I am scrambling to my feet as the creatures ebbs closer and closer to me. Turning tale, I run down the ally, but, to my horror, I find that I can't run far. Before me is a wall of brick, my heart is roaring in my ear. I am so petrified that I feel as though I might vomit, but at the same moment I'm frozen. Unable to even open my mouth and call for help, I stumble a few feet backward until my back is pressed against the unforgiving brick.

"Don't be afraid," the creature is hissing, a crackling laugh erupting from it. It comes yet another step closer, I turn my face away from it tears of terror rolling down my skin. "Soon you'll see the friends that you let die." My heart freezes, I cover my ears and fall to the ground.

"Don't you remember them?" The creature inquires, "you let them bleed out, like some sort of animals. Was that what they were to you? Animals." I am sobbing, out of terror and sorrow. Its clawed fingers touch my face and force me to look straight into its horrible black eyes. Frozen once again, I know that I truly cannot move. He releases my face and I tumble over my eyes closing. "That's right, it won't be long now will it?"

_Pound. Pound. Pound…_

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Andrea's eyes close almost in an admission of her surrender, that's when a masked figure makes his move. Jumping from the roof of the building that caged the terrified teen, Batman cruises easily to the ground. The dark knight is nearly silent when he lands. But the silence that has fallen over this dark ally is broken when the man speaks.

"What have you done to her Crane?" Batman demands in his gruffest of voices. The doctor, if one can stand to call him that, stiffens from his crouching position over the girl and turns to glare from behind his mask at his hated nemesis.

"Oh, I just had a nurse slip her some of my favorite drug. Nothing really," The doctor purrs, "I would never hurt an angel like her." Batman's eyes narrow on the doctor. It isn't like him to be so complacent with the fact that he's going to take Cranes new found victim. Then again, Crane wouldn't give anything up unless it was going to be dead soon. Eyes widening suddenly, Batman launches himself forward knocks the doctor away from Andrea. He's scooping her body, that feels so very fragile in his arms, off the ground and is taking her away from this alleyway. An ally that she does not belong in. He's taking her away from this world, taking her somewhere safe.

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So there it is. My third chapter in this story. Its taken me long enough to upload it, but I think (I hope) I can get another chapter up soon! Anyways, review and tell me what you think!


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